Am I living or am I existing or am I surviving?

It was one fine Wednesday morning, I was travelling somewhere. I was going through the routine checklist that everybody does before we start a journey. I found my Office ID card well placed in my right hand side trousers’ pocket without myself being aware of it.

 I felt so stereotyped!!

What I am writing is the chain of thoughts that came to me while I was sitting alone and pondering over the unknown faces during that journey.

The fear plays a major role from prohibiting us from what We do. We live in a world of virtual reality. Before taking a step we live through that moment many times, analyzing the negative scenarios that may happen if we take the decision. How can we take a plunge into a dark deep hole without even knowing there is a safety net at the bottom? We are human! We have "survived" times and tides more than the dinosaurs because of this thought process.

Now let’s "analyze" that moment again... I make that jump without prophesying  the results. I am so foolish! But in those moments of uncertainty, I would live my life twice that I have done ever before… The "bestest" (I am just being Indian about the word) of moments magnified and the worst fears reciprocated. An adventurous life does not mean that sky diving or Deep Sea diving. It means risking yourself to find the happiness in every little thing you do.

I could not stop myself from sharing this story. Last time it was in Uttarakhand, when the flood was in its peak. Everyone around me said to cancel the plan and reschedule it .Even I was about to do that.. I was just "Being Human". But I did not. And that was the most exciting journey that I had in my entire life till date. When I reached the top, the entire Ifs and Buts vanished from my life entirely. “The Eleventh Hour", "the last moment", "The last minute surprises" may not work in the industry I belong, but really works well in life. When was the last time you took such a fortuity, a chance, a risk? As you read through this line, that serendipity will definitely give you a twinkle.

We live in a very connected world. Few minutes I sit idle, I check all the kinds of social media. what’s happening around the world ... blah blah blah…But When was the last time I spent time with myself, Without any prejudice for the love of near and dear ones, without being judgmental of right or wrong, without caring about anyone or anything? 

When was the last time I slept peacefully and not woken up by a beeping phone or crying alarm clock? When was the last time my phone had no notification? When was the last time I got lost? When the last time I was less bothered about others was were doing rather than me? When was the last time I checked my heart's status rather than my friend's status on social media? When the last time was formed an opinion about myself? When was the last time I cried loudly without needing a shower to hide my tears? When was the last time city lights mattered less to me than the light of the stars shining in the dark night?

I always needed a company and now I realize that I even hate my own company. I have become mature. How happy I was in my childhood when the mockery of maturity did not bother me. Those Halcyon  days! And now wrapped in the deliquescence of maturity my life has become obscure of its own existence? Even I am scared enough to heed my own tears. I am judgmental of right or wrong. Now I debate over perspectives and preferences. This may sound ironical as I write this blog on social media pandering over the laptop. The satire of life!

Instead of thinking when will be the next vacation, I should live a life where I don’t have to escape it. In the end what will matter is not the years I lived by but the moments I lived .I don’t want a perfect life, I just want a happy life.

And somebody said...

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."